The Memories

I was listening to an episode of one of my favorite podcasts recently. The episode is mostly about self confidence and related aspects of self confidence; but, at one point one of the hosts, Casey, mentioned a teacher he had that gave him a rather offensive nickname in kindergarten. His story led me to think about my growing up years attending the private elementary school I went to, the friends I had there, and my major successes and struggles while I was there. The greatest struggle was with other students in regards to my weight, I was a chubby kid. This ultimately lead me to even reflect on how I would be picked on an bullied. Today, my weight is not as much of my identity as it once was; however, I do still struggle with my self image in regards to my physique. 

The part of these memories I hung on, as I was listening to this episode, is how kids would pick on me and exclude me, I was as quirky then as I am now. I was really focusing on how I would so strive for the approval of others that I would deprecate myself in order to get them to like me and befriend me. I would do anything I could so that they would like me. I look at myself today and see how I am willing to let others run right over me and keep my mouth shut when I shouldn’t. I was never one of the popular kids and I am not looking to change that today. Today I am only looking to stand up for myself. Not lay down every time I disagree with someone. 

I think this mentality is going to be a struggle to maintain because for so long I’ve ignored it. However, I do look forward to the positive changes it will bring as I move forward in life. I am not looking to be belligerent in the way I change how I act and how I interact with others. I am only looking to give my opinion when I have one.