The issue is, I will usually expect people to process the information I give them the same way I do. I take it in, I churn it around, talk to myself about it, and then spew out an idea or thought I have in relationship to the information I am given or even take the idea inside and really rest on it for a while and let it sift me.
When I give someone the information, I want them to be connected and engaged with the information, take it in, churn it around, and then spew how they will be changed by the revelation I have given them or the way the information changes things for them.
What actually happens is one of two things. When I tell someone something I think is monumental, he will sometimes take the information in, then start talking with me about the information, where it came from or how I got there, ask me about different aspects of the information, or simply, discredit the information all together. What he does is start externally processing the information. Which is what he does. He externally processes.
Which makes sense when he is an external processor.
I will in turn, walk away disappointed because the information missed the intended target and landed amongst the weeds, not on the target at all.
The second options is, I will give a piece of information to someone else and she will take it in, churn it around, and she will have little to say about it. The conversation will pretty much be over by the time I would expect her to spew out some ideas or changes to make based on the information. I then in turn get frustrated and try to reframe the conversation or reframe the idea or concept. I try to deliver the information in better packaging. Ultimately, everything lands the same with her and I walk away without hitting my mark again. This time it is almost as if I never fired a shot.
Which makes sense.
She is processing.
Inside.
As she does.
Either way, I feel a bit like a failure. I walk away thinking I have done nothing in both instances. This highlights the issue to begin with.
My expectations of the situation were unfair to begin with. I thought too much of myself and expected too much from people when I showed up. I should have walked in more open–minded to these two people processing as they do and worked with them to process. I was working at them not with them. What is worse, I never even offered up a single expectation to these people before I lobbed my idea at them. I launched, watched, shook my head, and walked away.
Where are your expectations sideways for the situation? Where are you not voicing your expectations? Where are you thinking more of yourself than you ought?
Unexpecting,
–JT
