Fact Finding

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What is your story? Where does it start?

What happens in the middle? Where does it go wrong? What does it look like on the other side?

When was the last time you asked someone else about their story?

Are you actually getting their story or are you fact finding about how they succeeded and failed? Are you really digging into their lives? Are you waiting for your turn to talk?

I have yet to find someone who does not want to tell their story. Truly listening to someone else tell their story takes more than just showing up. You have to listen too.

Who’s story are you listening to?

–JT

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Listening & Asking

When I talk to people, I am work hard to hear what they have to say. I am also trying to figuring out how to drive people to a place where they need to go to find answers. We sit down, start talking, I kick into listening, analyzing, and problem solving and before long, I have an answer for the person. 

Then I stop listening and start convincing. 

Presenting arguments. Synthesizing answers. Preparing my discussion points. 

I do these things till they either agree with me or I can accurately believe I have thoroughly presented my point to them, they understand my point, and they simply disagree with me. At which point I either resume listening mode, rinse and repeat. Or, I walk away, in a friendly manner and allow them to go on their way without me. 

I think my method is sensible. And why would I not? I came up with it. However, my method makes a highly influential assumption. My method believes I have the answer and my answer is right, best, better, or most accurate. For me, my answer is right. My answer does not address the possibility of my answer being wrong for the person I am talking to. My answer is based on my experiences in my story. My answer does not address the experiences of the person I am talking to in their story. 

To say this in the simplest way, “My perspective is not their perspective.”

Ultimately, I need to start listening to people and ask them questions about themselves and let them do the work. It is not my job to do the heavy lifting, steering, driving, or answering. It is my job to ride along, ask questions, and be good company. 

When was the last time you sat down with someone who needed to talk and let them drive the car while you asked questions about the adventure?

Asking about the adventure,

–JT