“Apple a day keeps the doctor away.” – Johnny Appleseed

Unfortunately, there is no apple to keep the counselor away. I’m still a little in shock that I’m going to go see a counselor today. I don’t know how to feel. I want to go. I am excited to go. I know I’ll be better for going. I just don’t like the reality. It has always been the sort of thing where I know it is good for people.

I think it is good for me.

I just don’t want to do it. Makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. Something more wrong than I thought. I don’t like feeling like I’m more broken than I already feel like I am. I want to feel good about who I am.

All these feelings make me realize how I actually view going to counseling.

Going to counseling is ok for you, it is ok for them, it is ok for everyone else. But I don’t really need to go. I’ve known I needed to go to counseling for years. Especially considering that I know there is emotional turmoil has been weighing on me for some time now. I even took a class on family communication that outright said, I’m paraphrasing, most people in their mid to late 20’s should probably go to counseling whether they think they needed it or not. We are all raised by someone and they weren’t perfect and as a result, neither are we. Doesn’t mean we’re going to go all ‘Silence of the Lambs’ out there. But we do need to process through where we are in life in a healthy way with someone who is trained in helping people process life. But I still waited, put it off, and ignored it. Thats how I deal with things, shove them down deep. The more they hurt, the deeper they go. This one bubbled up to the surface and is fighting back.

Here I go.

Today, I had to break down some walls.

Today, I go to to see a counselor.

Going to counseling today shows me that the social stigmas about going to counseling are deeper in me than I thought they were. Today I’m breaking those stigmas and I’m going to be better for it.

What about you? Do you have stereotypes about people who go to counseling? How are you breaking those stereotypes? Why aren’t you going to counseling?

Nervously,

—JT