Self Acceptance

Every day I wake up in the same set of skin and bones I was born with. I can change and develop who I am through work, both intentional and unintentional. But at the end of the day, I am always me.

One of the the many jobs I have is to appreciate me for who I am. In a reasonable way, be comfortable in the set of skin and bones I have. Accepting me for who I am, not over accentuating my flaws and strengths.

I know I can find the right point of appreciating myself for who I am. Not too confident and not too self-deprecating.

Not too many puns.

Not too nerdy.

Not too quiet.

Not too self conscience.

When I reach that point, what happens next?

I know I will reach the island of Perfect Self Acceptance. But what happens when it starts raining on my island? Or worse, I run out of food.

When I get to my Island, am I ready for the negative comment I hear, meant as a friendly joke? Am I prepared to let it roll off my back?

I know proper self acceptance is possible, but am I preparing for the next step of keeping healthy perspective on myself despite (un)expected negative circumstances?

What does your island of self acceptance look like? Are you ready for what it takes to maintain life on your island in the face of (un)expected negative circumstances?

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Referee For Dummies

In listening to the podcast Men In Blazers where they interview Mark Clattenburg , arguably one of the best referee’s to ever ref the game of football (soccer.)

In his interview, Mark discussed with Rog his methods for being a great referee. The most striking method he mentioned is how he would watch team’s game tape in order to gain insights into their strategies. He would watch to see how they would position themselves and break the rules behind the back of the referees.

Watching game tape, he would watch to see not only the calls made by the ref’s in the game but also the calls they missed because they did not have eyes in the back of their heads. Mark was not there to watch his colleagues’ backs and cover them as the players broke the rule, but he could prepare for the players to do the same thing to him.

As we go to work each day, who covers your back? Who is watching out for you when you are not looking at work? Who is covering the things you cannot?

PS: Do these people know how much you need them? Do these people know what it means to you and the organization to have them covering your blind spots?

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Great Data

Before an entrepreneur starts a new business, she should probably do some market research.

As lucrative as it is to run a coffee shop, she does not want to open one in a college town that already has nineteen.

Or maybe a yarn shop that only sells Bill Murray Ugly Sweater patterns is a little too niche of a market.

No matter what, she should do some research before she launches.

However, she can also paralyze herself. She starts to research her coffee shop and decides she should launch, but she is not sure what type of coffee to use and starts researching. The different coffees of the world. Eventually, she is flying all over the world to find the perfect coffee for her shop. But before she decides on the perfect coffee, she realizes that she also needs the perfect espresso machine and the perfect drip brew system.

Now she must find the perfect brew system to complement the perfect roast and make sure that they actually go together as the perfect pair. And before she knows it, she has blown her whole startup budget on researching all the perfect elements and has not sold a single cup of coffee.

What about opening her doors with a really good coffee with a really good espresso machine and a pretty good drip brewing system? She needs good data and an informed opinion, but she was trying to open a great coffee shop, not get her PhD in coffee and brew systems.

Where is research holding you back? Where are you letting yourself be hamstrung by your perceived needs versus your actual needs? Who can help you see where you are holding yourself back? Who can you help see where you are holding yourself back?

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I Woke Up Like This

Beyoncé may have woke up the way she did. But you and I oddly enough did not.

It has taken us our whole lives to get to where we are. We are who we are because of the course of life we have lived, the decisions we have made, and the experiences we had as we lived life.

Your over or under productive lifestyle did not start yesterday and it is not going to disappear tomorrow. Your craving for sweets, dessert, ice-cream, and candy did not start three minutes ago and it will most likely not stop three minutes from now.

Similarly, our social standards did not start yesterday. The government policy was not born last week. The highway and transportation infrastructure was not built over night.

Why then do we expect to lose weight, pick up new habits, and perform social reform in a week.

Set a realistic incremental goal for yourself and start there.

Do you want to lose weight? Start going for a walk once a week. Once you have mastered your once a week walk, add in a second walk.

Whatever your incremental goal is, get a teammate to help you in the process. It is easier to shoot for the moon when you have teammates and friends to help you assemble the rocket.

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Remembering The Future

I was recently observing someone who is older than I am and their children are much older than my boy is. They were lamenting a decision one one child was making and did not appreciate a turn another child’s life had taken. The parent fully loves their children, they were in a moment of expressing concern for the differences their children had decided to make in their own lives.

As the parent expressed their concern, I had to mark it down. I had to mark down an acknowledgement of my own future feeling. I had to put a flag in the ground to remind myself that my child will make decisions, but these decisions will not always be my decisions and I will have to find a way to love him and support him as my boy.

Remembering what has not happened, but is yet to come, will be most important when it happens.

I cannot let my feelings overrun me in the moment or I might forget those who have gone before me and forget the lesson they taught me.

Other people will make decisions I do not completely agree with. My continued involvement in their lives will be dictated by my reaction to their decision.

How do you react to decisions you disagree with? How do you treat people who make different decisions than you? What is your threshold for the difference between the importance of a person and the importance of a decision?

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Unprepared

Fridays come every week. You look forward to them as the last day of the week but you also run into Thursday evening like a freight train. It runs you over!

Thursday evening is the night where you do not feel like cooking. You still have to go to work the next day and it has almost nothing to look forward to doing. Thursday is the day you have to survive to get to Friday. Wednesday is the middle of the week and you can celebrate the halfness of the week being over but all you do on Thursday is throwback to the days that were not Thursday.

What if you started doing Thursdays differently? What if you started putting something to look forward to on Thursdays? How about start planning a fun lunch date on Thursdays? You can Thursdays so much better, reward yourself with a dessert on Thursday nights. Thursday does not have to be a drag. And the best part is, you know Thursday is coming every week, you can plan on it.

What else in your life are you treating like Thursday? What else in your life drags like Thursday drags? Are you plagued by the 2PM blues? Do you plan to reward yourself for the hard meeting you are about to lead? Are you prepared for your car to break down, again?

Life throws you curveballs, but not knowing when they are coming does not mean you cannot prepare for them. I promise you your car will break down again. Your roof will spring a leak. A bag of groceries will fall apart. A friend will let you down. A safe bet will go awry.

Are you ready for it? How are you preparing for the curveballs?

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My Sunday Best

I like to think I do my best. Whether I am washing the dishes, tying my shoes, or driving down the road. I am doing my best. But I haven't ever asked myself of what it means to do my best.

Up till now, my best has been showing up and doing whatever it is I am here to do. My best has never involved much preparation. My best has only been what I have at the moment, trying a little bit, then coasting the rest of the way through on whatever I could do in the moment.

Most everything I have done is hardly an example of my best.

My best has been attendance with effort.

My best involves preparation.

My best involves planning.

I have been doing myself and others a complete disservice.

I can do better.

Up till now, I have been doing my best from the perspective I had at the time. Now I have a new perspective and a new responsibility to do my best with my new perspective. Doing my best now requires I am ready to do my best in the moment because I have prepared myself to do better than I have done before.

Like a musician practicing for their great performance, they do not show up on concert day and kill it by accident, it is only because of their hard work and preparation.

What does doing your best look like right now? How can you improve your best? Who can help you improve your best?

Preparing,

–JT

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Unexpected Problems

Every day has problems. I do not mean this in the negative fatalist view. I mean this in the pragmatic view. Every day has some sort of problem or opposition in it. Whether it is your boss telling you, you did not something the right way or running out of gas on your way to work. Something goes wrong every day.

Now, I do recognize things go right every day too. I do not want to get lost in the negative.

However, I have to plan on things going wrong. I have to plan that I will face opposition. I have to visualize and process failure and shortcomings. I have to do this so I am ready for it. So when things do go wrong, I am not stopped and derailed all of a sudden. I am able to take it on the cheek and move on to the next thing. I am able to own my part of it, correct my mistake, and move forward.

It is only when I do not prepare for something going wrong that I am defeated it. I am slowed down and stopped in my tracks.

The opposite is true when I mentally prepare. When I visualize myself taking the bull by the horns and reacting appropriately, I am so much better. I am so much better at taking a failure or a mistake when I have already processed my reaction and moved forward from the moment. When I preprocess a failure, I process the self doubt, disappointment, and frustration before it ever gets happens and then I it has almost no effect on me when it actually happens.

The next thing I know, my mistake has turned into a success because I was ready to push through it and not let it take me down.

How mentally prepared are you for something going wrong? How do you handle it when life throws you a curveball? What can you do to mentally prepare for a mistake or misstep?

Prepared,

–JT

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Tomorrow

I have had a routine I have developed naturally. I did not do it intentionally, I wish I was smart enough to start it on purpose, but alas, I was not. However, my routine is incredibly important and I can attribute quite a bit of success to what my routine. My routine is part of each evening. It is the last thing I do each day. 

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At the end of every day, I prep for the next day. It takes me maybe twenty minutes or less but it makes all the difference in setting myself up for success. I get my clothes to wear at the gym ready, I prep my bag to take to work, I pack my breakfast, pack my lunch, and I pack my gym bag with clothes to wear to work. My routine is moderately mundane, but it is also a decision I make every night. Every night I decide how the next day will start. 

Every day I decide how the next day is going to start. It does not take anything extra from me. I am out of function for the most part. I am in routine, almost automated, setting the next day up for success. 

Making this decision every night allows me to wake up and not even think about starting the next day. I roll out of bed, put the clothes on I set aside. pick up my gym bag, backpack, and food. Then I roll out to start the day. 

At this point, I have done nothing but ride the rails I laid the night before. I am more successful for it. I have been able to stay disciplined and productive each morning. I have reaped from this forethought for months, if not more than a year now. 

Succeeding today started last night and succeeding tomorrow starts tonight. Laying these tracks each night before bed has allowed me to start every morning coasting into discipline and progress towards my goals. Coasting on these tracks every morning sets the tone for every day. 

What tracks do you need to lay today to coast on tomorrow? How can you better set the tone for each day?

Coasting,

–JT

Preparation

As I approach the weekbetween Christmas and New Years I often take time to reflect on the last year, where I have been, what I have done, things I have done well, things I have not done well and generally how this year has been. I am looking to see not only what has happened to me but also how have I reacted and responded to the year.

For some reason, I work backwards in this exercise. I start at the end of the year the current season and work back towards the beginning. I would not say it is the most logical way to do it but it has always worked for me and my quirky personality. When I look at the end of this year I have a bit of a rubric of things I think I should probably be outputting. I should be outputting things like hope, joy, and love. This is a season of Christ. The season of preparation. 

Preparation.

I am to be prepared for to be these things. I am to be ready to be hope to people. I am to be prepared to live out joy. I am to be available to share love with other people. I need to be prepared to celebrate the birth of the Christ child. 

I would not say It has been a good year. Generally, these have been two long years. In my short life, these last two years are in the top five hardest years I have had. I do not think I have some sort of right to claim this year as harder than anyone else’s; I would say with out a doubt there are people who have had significantly harder years than I have had. 

These messages are bigger than we are though. I would say for all of us, we can bring these messages of love, hope, and joy to the people around us despite the years we have had. We are to prepare ourselves to bring these things to people around us. The Christ child came and brought these things to his parents when they needed it. 

For me, it all revolves around preparation. Am I preparing myself to bring love to the people around me? Am I preparing myself to bring joy to the people around me? Am I preparing myself to bring hope to the people around me?

Not because I have an abundance of these things, but because I am preparing myself. Focusing myself. When I wake up, do I decide to bring love to others, despite knowing I am going to sit in more traffic than I would want. When I wake up, am I preparing to bring joy to the cashier at Starbucks despite the child behind me throwing a tantrum. Am I prepared to bring hope to the employee at the department store, despite her inability to get off her phone? 

Am I walking into the situation prepared to better someone else’s day despite my perception of what they should or should not be doing? Am I preparing myself to be to others what I need and want in this season? 

Are you prepared to be love, joy, and hope? Are you preparing yourself?

Prepared,

–JT

Soap Box Derby

Have you ever been to a Soap Box Derby? I actually have not, so kudos to you if you have. The concept behind this type of race bugs me. 

I grew up watching Nascar and Indy cars. More horsepower than most people will ever need or experience in their lifetimes or ever need to experience. These types of races have always made sense to me, probably because I grew up with them being overly important. 

I take a look at soap box derbies and wonder how they interest so many people, not in a negative sense where I am looking to ‘hate on’ their passion or dreams. Quite literally from an analytic point of view, I do not think I could enjoy roller cart derbies as a hobby or even a spectator really. These soap boxes on wheels are not self driven. They are driven by gravity, the angle of hill, the aerodynamics of the soap box, and who knows how many other factors I am not qualified to guess at or discuss. There is an impressive amount of craftsmanship and science I am not going to discount. However, at the end of the day, the car will never propel itself. As soon as you run out of hill and science–motion, inertia and things, you are done. You are not going anywhere. 

Similarly, I have been coasting on the hill built by those who have come before me. They put in the leg work and prepared the way for the success I have experienced. I have never had to do much more than show up and work hard. Those two elements have allowed me to coast on the same science–motion. Oddly enough, I have been coasting uphill. I have been traveling uphill as others have towed me along. I did not have vision or plans. 

The people who have come before me have built the hill for me to coast on. They built the racer I get to sit in. They towed me to the top of the hill and pushed me down it. They did the science of how to build the car, found the best materials, and greased all my axels. 

It is time for me to start contributing to the hill building, soap box car building, science calculations, and wheel greasings. It is time for me to use my team to continue develop direction and height to the hill so others might be able to coast down it as well. 

For a while I might be left to drive back up the hill I just rolled down. However, when learning to drive, it is probably best to do so in a familiar environment. 

Where are you coasting? What does it look like to start putting in the work to build a new soap box racer for the people who come after you?

Working,

–JT

When I Am Better

I find it funny when things are going well how hard it become to continue to work hard. When I’m on the bottom or behind, I have to work harder, it is when things are going well I find myself starting to become complacent, relaxed, and I start to slack. For maybe the first time in my life, I’m doing well and I’m seeing how much work I have ahead of me (this is not to say I have never been doing well before, simply I have never had this realization in tandem with doing well.) I am seeing the triggers where I might normally become complacent and I am not going to give in to them. I am also seeing the triggers where I might over extend and take on too much because I am doing well and I am healthy, I am not going to give in to those triggers either. I am going to stand in the tension, allow myself to be pulled and try to always be aware of where I am in the tension. 

This is going to be interesting. Fun. Maybe even exciting at times. I look forward to where things will be going as I feel like I’m almost on top of the world with how well my life is going. My life is not this good because of me, my life is this good because of my community and the team I get to be a part of. I have been blessed with amazing opportunities and responsibilities. Now I am allowed to rise to the occasion and show the true measure of my character in successes and failures. 

I look forward to both. 

Where are you at in the tension of work and rest or complacency and success?

Battling on,

–JT