Here I am. 28.5 years later and total confusion to show for it.
I have an amazing wife whom I love and supports me better than I could imagine. An awesome community who is doing more for me than I would ever ask.
Here I am.
I couldn't be in a better place for being in such a terrible place.
I could not be in a better place, for being in such a terrible place. (Important statements will be repeated. It is artistic...I promise.)
Starting 1 Dec. 2014, I am on sabbatical. Those words almost hurt to type. My fingers ache with the reality of it all. My heart weighs with the prospect of digging through the past 7 years much less all of my life till now.
Yet, here I am.
For the next few days I’ll be with family, celebrating, The Great Turkey Tradition. Then, It’ll be 31 days of reflection.
I would rather spend 31 days eating Magnum Bars, watching Breaking Bad & Walking Dead, and Playing Destiny on the PS4. (But that seems rather counterproductive.)
If you’re reading this wondering, “What is going on with JT?”
The answer is, “It is too much to explain right now, but the TL;DR version of it all is, I’m sad, all the time. And in the few moments I’m not sad, I don’t have to do much more than look over my shoulder a short ways to be back on the verge of tears.” The only other things that I regularly feel are anger and frustration. These three things are destroying me and making me an awful person to be around. As if the puns weren't enough.
There are times my anger and frustrations are valid; though, I never actually deal with them in a valid way. And the right thing done the wrong way, is still the wrong thing.
My goal is to post here every day. I have an outline of around 85 blog post ideas, and after that, I’ll see what the new year holds. I am guessing after 1 January 2015, I’ll post weekly, maybe 2–3 times a week. We will only know when we get there. Minimum, I would like to be posting once a week.
What you can expect is me pouring my guts out. I’ll be going to counseling, I have my first appt. on 3Dec and I expect to have many more after that. I’ll be talking bout my counseling as openly as possible. I’ll be reflecting on who I am, who I would like to be, and why I tick like I do.
So, here we go. I’ll tweet out a link to my most recent post about once a week, but truly, I love my friends enough to not tweet my posts daily. That would be a little much.
The other major question I want to answer is, “Why are you doing this?”
First, to process my thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
Second, I’m not the only person in the world who has the issues I have. I would rather share where I’m and my journey from here so that other people have a place to come look, talk, and wrestle, than write it all in a journal I’ll never read again.
Finally, in the event I miss a day, do not be surprised. The point of this time is rest. I am hoping to get far enough ahead I don’t miss any days. But we’ll see what happens. If you have any requests of me or want to hear about a specific topic, please use the contact form and I’ll be glad to dialogue with you about what you’re looking for and whether or not I’ll address the topic.
Otherwise, thank you for joining me on this journey. It's going to be interesting, I promise.
For the first time,