Internal Processing

Surprise, surprise, I am an internal processor. I take information in, I discuss it within myself, then I deliver a reprocessed information to everyone else. However, internal processing has many faces. 

Quite literally. 

I have many different faces when I am internally processing information. I am asked questions, delivered new facts, or simply talk to someone for a few minutes. I then have to take this information and roll it around in my noggin. I have to reframe it so I can own it. I have to decide whether or not it is accurate based on what I know. 

Internally, the cogs are turning and the pistons pumping.

Externally, I am staring off into space or silently mouthing and talking to myself. 

When I am internally processing information, I hate looking like I am staring off into space almost as much as I hate the look of me talking to myself. Neither one of these options are a good reflection of what is going on and both of them lead to other people either thinking I am angry or crazy. Generally, I am not angry and I am not so crazy as to constantly be talking to myself, lets be real though, I am a little crazy.

The worst option, when I am internally processing, is me looking completely disinterested in what is going on around me. I lose sensitivity to how I look to everyone around me. I lose

reference for how I am externally being portrayed despite my internal nature.

My disposition in processing has actually lead to many different reactions from many people. Many people have either misinterpreted my external appearance or completely ignored it. I am always surprised when I find out what people think of me processing. I do need to be better at letting people know I am processing when the conversation goes silent…awkwardly silent usually. 

How do you process? What does your processing style communicate to those around you?