Unexpected Problems

Every day has problems. I do not mean this in the negative fatalist view. I mean this in the pragmatic view. Every day has some sort of problem or opposition in it. Whether it is your boss telling you, you did not something the right way or running out of gas on your way to work. Something goes wrong every day.

Now, I do recognize things go right every day too. I do not want to get lost in the negative.

However, I have to plan on things going wrong. I have to plan that I will face opposition. I have to visualize and process failure and shortcomings. I have to do this so I am ready for it. So when things do go wrong, I am not stopped and derailed all of a sudden. I am able to take it on the cheek and move on to the next thing. I am able to own my part of it, correct my mistake, and move forward.

It is only when I do not prepare for something going wrong that I am defeated it. I am slowed down and stopped in my tracks.

The opposite is true when I mentally prepare. When I visualize myself taking the bull by the horns and reacting appropriately, I am so much better. I am so much better at taking a failure or a mistake when I have already processed my reaction and moved forward from the moment. When I preprocess a failure, I process the self doubt, disappointment, and frustration before it ever gets happens and then I it has almost no effect on me when it actually happens.

The next thing I know, my mistake has turned into a success because I was ready to push through it and not let it take me down.

How mentally prepared are you for something going wrong? How do you handle it when life throws you a curveball? What can you do to mentally prepare for a mistake or misstep?



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Grain Formula

I am now one month into this whole fatherhood lifestyle. I am preventing the imminent dad bod. I have relatively successfully transitioned back to work.

With all of the change, it has been a relatively smooth transition. However, it has not been without its fair share of expected difficulties. Really, any time I experience a major life change it has difficulties, both expected and unexpected. These difficulties are what smooth the edges. They smooth me down like a rock in a river bed. It is really quite tedious when you think about it. Each stone is made smooth in the river bed.

The stone is not smoothed out quickly it is very slow.
Ridiculously slow.
Ludicrously slow for some.

The rough stone is made smooth one grain of sand at a time.

One grain of sand at a time.


So too, my son is developed one grain of sand at a time. Right now we are in the slow process of helping him develop past screaming every time his primal appetite barks (we have quite a bit of time before this is a reality.) We are in the process of letting each day be more passing water and slowly but surely his rough edges will smooth.

Slowly but surely my rough edges will smooth.

What rough edges are being smoothed out in you? How patient are you with others as they are smoothed out one grain of sand at a time?



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Internal Processing

Surprise, surprise, I am an internal processor. I take information in, I discuss it within myself, then I deliver a reprocessed information to everyone else. However, internal processing has many faces. 

Quite literally. 

I have many different faces when I am internally processing information. I am asked questions, delivered new facts, or simply talk to someone for a few minutes. I then have to take this information and roll it around in my noggin. I have to reframe it so I can own it. I have to decide whether or not it is accurate based on what I know. 

Internally, the cogs are turning and the pistons pumping.

Externally, I am staring off into space or silently mouthing and talking to myself. 

When I am internally processing information, I hate looking like I am staring off into space almost as much as I hate the look of me talking to myself. Neither one of these options are a good reflection of what is going on and both of them lead to other people either thinking I am angry or crazy. Generally, I am not angry and I am not so crazy as to constantly be talking to myself, lets be real though, I am a little crazy.

The worst option, when I am internally processing, is me looking completely disinterested in what is going on around me. I lose sensitivity to how I look to everyone around me. I lose

reference for how I am externally being portrayed despite my internal nature.

My disposition in processing has actually lead to many different reactions from many people. Many people have either misinterpreted my external appearance or completely ignored it. I am always surprised when I find out what people think of me processing. I do need to be better at letting people know I am processing when the conversation goes silent…awkwardly silent usually. 

How do you process? What does your processing style communicate to those around you?




It is always funny to see how different road blocks pop up in my mind. I’ll be trying to see how different issues I’m working through actually play into different parts of my life such as my marriage or my workplace. And I’ll reach a roadblock I just can’t overcome. I can’t move past it. It just sits in front of me and slows me down, stops me. 

I’ll try all sorts of different methods to get past it. I’ll try to just barrel over it as if it doesn’t exist or just sneak around it in some coy thought process. Ultimately, I can’t move past it. Then the unthinkable happens, I sit down with someone who is involved with the roadblock, (ie my wife in relationship with my marriage or a coworker in relationship to my workplace.) And KABLAM, we’ve plowed through the roadblock. 

The first roadblock. 

The second roadblock. 

The third.

The fourth.

We are bounding through roadblocks as if they don’t even matter. Like they were never there. Then, I remember. I remember that I cant work through all of my issues alone. I can change my own behaviors. I can change how I act and interact with people. But I cannot do it alone. Bittersweet, but mostly sweet. I remember I need to be talking to people about what is going on inside as well as outside. What roadblock are you running into? Who could you talk to, to help you through it?

Plowing on,


All My Bags Are Packed

Whelp, it has been about 3 weeks since my first counseling appointment, I have not scheduled another one yet. Mostly because of the holidays and the hustle-bustle of it all. I am here, I survived the holidays. Much as you did as well, obviously. They were good. It was good to see family, spend time with friends, and rest. I look back on the past few weeks to try and see what is different. What I have now that I did not have before. I do not know if I have anything now that I did not have before. I process and think and ask myself, “Why do I feel different?” 

I have no good answer. And I do not feel different all the time. I generally feel better, but not great. I still dip low, I am not living in the low points anymore.

Truly, when I compare what I have now to what I had before, I only have information. Powerful information. However, information and head knowledge only. Shocking how much this can do for me. Thrilling, really. I have the opportunity to move forward through learning more about myself. For me, this means that I can break free from the oppression of baggage. I choose whether or not my baggage controls me. 

I am beginning to ask myself, “Do I choose to have or not to have baggage?” 

For me, my baggage has not altered my brain chemistry. I have issues, no doubt about it; but,  because they are all psychological issues and not physiological issues, do I choose to have baggage?

I don’t have a good answer for this. I don’t completely agree with Yes or No as an answer. 

The best answer I am leaning towards at the moment is:

I do not choose whether or not I have baggage, I do get to choose whether or not my baggage is going to control me and whether or not I am going work through my baggage in a healthy way with people who love me and are committed to my success.

In Process,


One Down

One appointment down. One more to go. I suspect there will be, “One more to go.” for quite a while to come. 

30 minutes ago I was sitting with my newfound friend, counselor, and wise confidant. Now I’m sitting down in my corporate coffee shop of choice full of information about me. It is interesting to sit down with someone who isn’t close to me and talk with them as if they are my friend whom I’ve known for years. And afterwards? I walk away with new insights to who I am. Today’s insight is: “My dad is my hero.” 

When he left, my hero threw in the towel. 

My Superman threw in the towel. 

My dad was my inspiration.

When he left, my inspiration left.

My dad challenged me to stretch myself.

When he left, I stopped challenging and stretching myself.

Now, I have to let my dad be my superman again.

I have to forgive my dad.

When I forgive my dad, I will be breaking down the walls that stop him from inspiring me to challenge myself. When I face a challenge and achieve excellence, I am then inspired to challenge myself again.

I face that challenge and I am inspired to excel and achieve excellence, because my dad believes in me.

Whether he is sitting next to me, a million miles away, or 6 feet under. 

My dad is my inspiration, he loves me, and wants the best for me.

Today, I go home, eat dinner with my wife and tell her about my appointment.

Tomorrow, I challenge myself to forgive my dad.

Forgiving my dad, wholly and fully, will mean I’ve achieved excellence again. If I achieve excellence again; then, I might be inspired to challenge myself again. Then who knows what might come next. Will this unlock me challenging myself and achieving excellence over and over again?