Internal Processing

Surprise, surprise, I am an internal processor. I take information in, I discuss it within myself, then I deliver a reprocessed information to everyone else. However, internal processing has many faces. 

Quite literally. 

I have many different faces when I am internally processing information. I am asked questions, delivered new facts, or simply talk to someone for a few minutes. I then have to take this information and roll it around in my noggin. I have to reframe it so I can own it. I have to decide whether or not it is accurate based on what I know. 

Internally, the cogs are turning and the pistons pumping.

Externally, I am staring off into space or silently mouthing and talking to myself. 

When I am internally processing information, I hate looking like I am staring off into space almost as much as I hate the look of me talking to myself. Neither one of these options are a good reflection of what is going on and both of them lead to other people either thinking I am angry or crazy. Generally, I am not angry and I am not so crazy as to constantly be talking to myself, lets be real though, I am a little crazy.

The worst option, when I am internally processing, is me looking completely disinterested in what is going on around me. I lose sensitivity to how I look to everyone around me. I lose

reference for how I am externally being portrayed despite my internal nature.

My disposition in processing has actually lead to many different reactions from many people. Many people have either misinterpreted my external appearance or completely ignored it. I am always surprised when I find out what people think of me processing. I do need to be better at letting people know I am processing when the conversation goes silent…awkwardly silent usually. 

How do you process? What does your processing style communicate to those around you?

Processing,

–JT

Stranger Danger

Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. 

A simple statement with all of the meanings. It has so much to say and it strikes me hard as I’m spending so much time in a metropolis. I see people all around me every day and I make snap decisions about them. 

I see someone who is a bum and I assume they choose to be there. 

The fast food worker and I assume he never went to college. 

I assume so much about all of these people yet I never take the time to ask them their story. To discover how they actually got to where they are. I never take the time to explore with them what their future could hold and what hope there is for them. I just keep on driving, ignoring, and assuming I have a reasonable estimation for who they are and how they got to where they are. I don’t spend time getting to know their story. Their story has value. They have value and I don’t take the time to know their story, only to know my guestimation about them.

I had value even though I was in a rough place. I might have never been a bum, but I have been emotionally broken. I have never worked at a fast food restaurant, but if I needed a job and they were hiring I would take the opportunity to pay my bills and fill my belly. I am not too different from these people I am making snap judgements of. I have potential. My potential and value has been called out. I am valued by people who love me who have taken the time to get to know me.

Who am I taking time to know and encourage? When do I stop and remind myself that these people I see have value, potential, and life experiences that have played into their life choices.

With Empathy,

–JT