Epic Failure

If revenge is a dish best served cold; then, failure is a dish best not served at all. At least that is how I’ve operated in my life up till now. Any time I apply myself to something I succeed. Maybe I’m not the best at it in the world, but I would at least succeed. I would decide “task xyz” is worth my time and effort, pour my heart and soul into it, and I would be a success. 

The part of this equation I’ve never dealt with is when I pour myself into a task or working to achieve a goal and then I fail. Not in the sense of I came in second place in a competition. More in the sense of, the goal was totally and utterly unachieved. 

This summer I encountered one of these “unachieved goals.” This is part of the reason I’m falling apart. I’ve never encountered failure of this proportion before and I have no healthy way of encouraging myself to get back on the horse. When a failure of this proportion is built on a foundation of self doubt and issues with my dad and all of a sudden, I have the perfect recipe for an angry depression. 

Now I have to figure out a healthy way to stop these things from destroying me. I have to figure out how to get myself back on the horse. Some sort of motivation maybe? I am truly clueless. I am looking into myself and every time I turn the page to the, “How To Motivate Yourself” chapter it is as if the whole thing is written in hieroglyphics. 

I don’t know how to motivate myself past failure besides to tell myself to just keep going. This method only works for so long with me. There will be more to this. I am not giving up on this, I just don’t know what more to do.

What do you do when you encounter failure?