Whelp, it has been about 3 weeks since my first counseling appointment, I have not scheduled another one yet. Mostly because of the holidays and the hustle-bustle of it all. I am here, I survived the holidays. Much as you did as well, obviously. They were good. It was good to see family, spend time with friends, and rest. I look back on the past few weeks to try and see what is different. What I have now that I did not have before. I do not know if I have anything now that I did not have before. I process and think and ask myself, “Why do I feel different?”
I have no good answer. And I do not feel different all the time. I generally feel better, but not great. I still dip low, I am not living in the low points anymore.
Truly, when I compare what I have now to what I had before, I only have information. Powerful information. However, information and head knowledge only. Shocking how much this can do for me. Thrilling, really. I have the opportunity to move forward through learning more about myself. For me, this means that I can break free from the oppression of baggage. I choose whether or not my baggage controls me.
I am beginning to ask myself, “Do I choose to have or not to have baggage?”
For me, my baggage has not altered my brain chemistry. I have issues, no doubt about it; but, because they are all psychological issues and not physiological issues, do I choose to have baggage?
I don’t have a good answer for this. I don’t completely agree with Yes or No as an answer.
The best answer I am leaning towards at the moment is:
I do not choose whether or not I have baggage, I do get to choose whether or not my baggage is going to control me and whether or not I am going work through my baggage in a healthy way with people who love me and are committed to my success.